“Take time to deliberate; but when the time for action arrives, stop thinking and go in.” – Andrew Jackson

2000 was a difficult year for me. I had come to a point where I was very unhappy with my work in the IT field. I enjoyed some aspects of it, but found much of it to be frustrating, unfulfilling, and not terribly meaningful.  I had realized that it wasn’t really what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. However, I had a problem: I didn’t think I could do anything else. I spent the better part of a year telling myself that I didn’t have other skills, that I couldn’t afford a pay cut, that I was too old to go back to school, etc.  I also told myself this: “If I change careers, it means I’m a failure.”

All of those things I told myself?  They were stories, not the truth, and a distraction from my reality at the time: “I’m unhappy in my job and I’m not really doing the work I’m meant to do.” Those stories kept me stuck for the better part of a year as I became more and more unhappy and depressed – a depression that was further fueled by those stories. Eventually, this served a purpose: I realized that I couldn’t keep doing what I was, or I was effectively going to crash.  I *had* to do something different.

When I began working with a career counselor and my therapist, I developed a more accurate picture of my situation:

1) I did have other skills and experience that I might be able to use in a different career – and that might not be enough by itself, but I could always learn more.

2) Taking a pay cut would be difficult, but manageable.

3) I wasn’t too old to go back to school. (On my first day of graduate school I discovered I was about in the middle of the group as far as age went).

4) I’m not a failure if I change careers. Many people have multiple careers during their lives.

As my awareness and acceptance increased, a picture began to develop for me of what I wanted my new career to be. The final piece of that puzzle fell into place one day when I attended an informational meeting at USF’s regional campus in Sacramento for their MFT program.  After walking out of that meeting, I knew where I was going.  It’s where I am today: working as a psychotherapist in private practice.
Largely due to the clarity I had developed from all my work around awareness and acceptance, achieving the goal of opening my private practice became easy. Not easy in the sense of being effortless – there was a lot of hard work along the way – but easy in the sense that I didn’t doubt myself, didn’t really get in my own way. I knew where I was going, I had a plan to get there, and I just focused on the next step along my path.
If I’d had the awareness and acceptance skills up front, I might have been able to avoid a lot of pain and suffering. Once you’ve tackled awareness and acceptance, you’ll be ready to take action, too.

Break it down
Change requires action.  A lot of action(s), usually.  Make a list, put it in order.  Make sure you break down the actions into manageable steps so you don’t get overwhelmed. (Riddle:  How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time, of course …) When it comes to breaking down the actions, you’re better off breaking it down into pieces that are smaller than necessary than leaving pieces that are too big.

David Allen, author of ”Getting Things Done”, believes that any task with more than one step should be considered a project. In his system, getting the oil changed on your car is a project with at least three actions: getting the phone number for your car dealer, scheduling the appointment and taking the car to the dealer. Yes, break things down that far. It may seem ridiculous at first, but when you get to the business of taking action, you’ll be glad you did.

Once you’ve got your steps identified and documented, you’re ready to get started.  How to document them? One method some people like to use is simply to get a series of 3×5 cards and put each action step on a separate card.  Then, keep the next action card in a visible location or with you at all times. There’s a lot of good computer software which can help you organize a proejct, too – but you certainly don’t have to go the high tech route to be successful.  It *is* important that you get all the steps out of your head, though. If you try and manage it all that way, you’ll be more stressed and certain to forget something along the way.

If (ok, when) you get stuck
In any process, there are steps that are more interesting or fun, and ones that we don’t look forward to. Those are the steps where we get stuck.  Some things that can help keep you on track:

1) Revisit the first 2 A’s – allow yourself to be fully aware of your discomfort with the particular action step – find out if it’s fear, discomfort, or something else. Accept that you don’t *want* to do the step. That doesn’t mean you won’t be able to do it.

2) Make sure the action is broken down as much as possible – is really a bite-sized step, or are you trying to eat too much of the elephant?

3) Make a plan to tackle one action the ‘first thing’ in your day. For most people, it’s easier to do a difficult task early, before they get caught up in the chaos and distractions of their day. Alternatively, schedule regular time to work on the project, and then honor that time as if it was a commitment to someone else. (It’s very easy to blow off appointments with ourselves – but you deserve better!)

4) Remind yourself that we all struggle with change – it’s normal to get stuck and feel frustrated. Becoming self-critical won’t help.

5) Talk to a supportive friend or family member who can give you an encouraging nudge.

The most important thing is to keep going!  If you know the destination and have a solid process, you will get there – it’s just a question of time.  Focus on the process, not the destination.  ”Are we there yet?” never helps.

I will always remember the day that I passed my MFT licensing exam. I had made a mix CD for myself with celebratory music and had it waiting to play in the CD player in my car after the exam. The exam itself was very challenging. However, I had prepared for several months, and I knew that it was the final hurdle I had to overcome to reach my goal, so I was ready and determined. When I finished the exam, I waited for what seemed like an eternity to see the result pop up on the computer display. I was hopeful, but unsure … and then the congratulatory message appeared. I could barely contain my excitement until I walked out of the testing center and could yell and punch the air and call the friends and colleagues who had supported me through the process.

Are you stuck? Do you feel like you need to make a change, but don’t know how or believe you can? Well, the 3 A’s may be able to help you get from where you are to where you want to be. They work.