Hi Everyone –
I hope everyone’s summer is off to a good start. I just wanted to post a quick note to let you know that my Friday online/community call-in show ‘Interconnected’ will be going on hiatus for the time being. I’ve got some other business things that need more time & attention, and I am also in the process of attempting to buy a house … so, I just figured it would be best to take a break for ...
Continue Reading → Share“How do I stop my partner from controlling me?” is a question I often hear from clients.
The short answer: stop letting them control you – like any relational dance, it takes two.
The longer answer, I’m going to borrow from the world of addiction recovery. There are always three choices we have in responding to a given situation: accept, change, or eliminate.
Accept – straightforward enough, right? We find a way to be ok with whatever is happening. In this case, that’s ...
Continue Reading → ShareIf you don’t ask …
… you won’t be let down.
… you won’t be criticized.
… you won’t be rejected.
But …
… you won’t get what you want.
What’s more important – certainty or possibility?
Why?
Continue Reading → ShareSo, what if it turns out that mistakes are normal?
What if it turns out that everyone makes mistakes?
What if it turns out that making mistakes doesn’t make you defective, a loser, or a bad person?
What if avoiding the mistakes isn’t the secret?
What if this is the secret: learning & growing from your mistakes?
Wouldn’t that change your perspective on them?
Instead of avoiding them, covering them up, or otherwise trying to distance yourself from them, you’d want to examine them, study them ...
Continue Reading → ShareWe all know the cliche: ‘opposites attract’. But, do they make good relationship partners?
It depends. (Seems like that’s my answer to every question … guess I’m not much for black & white…)
If you and your partner are very similar in personality, odds are better that you’ll have less conflict. The more ‘like’ you someone is, the better chance that you won’t have a lot of disagreement.
However … the problem when there’s no tension/discomfort/etc., as I talked about last week, is ...
Continue Reading → ShareRisk cannot actually be avoided – not taking a risk is generally a risk in and of itself. (Have I confused you yet?) Let me give an example: If you ask out that person you’ve been chatting with at the gym, you risk rejection. If you don’t, you risk being alone.
When people talk about ‘avoiding risks’, what they probably mean is ‘avoiding discomfort’.
Risk is an especially problematic subject with it comes to relationships. Many people want their relationship to be ...
Continue Reading → Share“Fear is a friend who’s misunderstood” – John Mayer, “The Heart of Life”
(I know John Mayer is someone that isn’t universally liked, but I think this is a great song, on multiple levels. Check it out!)
One of the most valuable things you can do if you want to expand and improve your life is to change your relationship with fear. So many of us learn to interpret it as a message saying “Look out, impending disaster here! Stay away!” That’s ...
Continue Reading → Share“Curiosity resolves assumption” – Thom Rutledge
Thom is a therapist and author based in Tennessee. I’m a big fan of his book “Embracing Fear”, because I think it is comprehensive, accessible, and funny – a great combination. I don’t remember where I picked up this quote of his from, but I think about it nearly every day in my work with couples.
As we get to know someone, we start to make assumptions (or, ‘guesses’, some might say) ...
Continue Reading → ShareRecently, I was speaking with someone about couples counseling. She told me her boyfriend was reluctant to come to counseling and asked if I had experience working with men like him.
I laughed. If you look, you can see heel tracks in the carpet of my office – the result of all the guys who’ve been dragged to therapy by their partners.
Really, there aren’t a lot of people, male or female, who get excited about going to see a ...
Continue Reading → ShareI’ve talked about doing a podcast or Internet radio show for what seems like years. Finally, it’s here.
I invite you to join me this Friday from 12:30pm-1:15pm (Pacific Time) for the first episode of ‘Interconnected’. Each week, I’ll be discussing the connections in our lives, how they affect us, and how to make them better.
If you have a relationship question you’d like answered ‘on the air’, you can send it to me via my contact form ...
Continue Reading → Share