I read an interesting article yesterday in PsyBlog.  It discussed a recent research study which indicated that we do better making fast, complex decisions when we ‘go with our gut’. They cite examples of firefighters and surgeons as people who need to make split-second decisions with life or death implications.  I have no doubt that in situations such as these where someone has been properly trained, this is exactly the way to go. However, if your ‘training’ has been poor – if you’ve had a history of difficult relationships, for example – you’ve been taught patterns that are dysfunctional and damaging. So, going with your ‘gut’ will just produce another problematic result. This is why ‘reacting’ in the moment when you are in the midst of a relationship conflict often just produces a repeat of the same fight you’ve had many times before.  Taking a ‘time out’ to think about the situation and how you want to approach it can help, since it gives you time to engage other parts of your brain. If that still doesn’t work for you, it may be time for you to think about seeking out a therapist and learning how to make more effective relationship choices.