About a third of my new clients have never been to a counselor or psychotherapist before. Often, they don’t really know what to expect or how the process ‘works’. If you’re in therapy or considering it, here are five tips to help you get more from the experience:

1) Be as specific as you can with your therapist about what you want to get from counseling.  The clearer you can be about your goals, the more likely you are to achieve them. If this is difficult for you to do, let your therapist know that – they can help you define your goals. When some people first come to see me, they aren’t really sure what their goals are for therapy – they just want to feel better. In those situations, I encourage them to think of times in their life when they felt better than they do now, to identify what was different then and what made it a better time for them.  These questions are often helpful in creating the picture of where the client wants to get to – if you do this work before you start therapy, you’ll be one step ahead of the game.

2) Be clear and direct with your therapist about what you want to work on in sessions, and be willing to ask for things that feel a bit beyond your capability or comfort level. Part of the point of this process is to help you grow, and part of my job as a therapist is to help you learn new things and to stretch yourself beyond your previous limits. I know my clients well enough that I always have thoughts on what we could focus on in sessions to continue working towards their treatment goals, but what I’ve found is that when we go where my client wants to, it’s generally more productive for them.

3) Take notes or use some other system to document what you are working on and learning from your sessions.  Develop a plan to review those notes, both on a periodic basis and when you are experiencing one of the ‘typical’ problem situations you encounter. I have some clients who take notes during session, and others who will spend a few minutes after session to making notes about the session we’ve just completed. Either approach will help you retain the information from your sessions, and that will make it easier for you to put that information to work as you try to make changes in your life.

4) Give feedback. If you don’t feel like you’re getting what you want out of your sessions, say so.  Your therapist should be open to discussing how sessions can be modified to be more beneficial – if they aren’t, it’s time to find a new therapist. Also, let your therapist know if there is anything you find especially helpful or beneficial about your sessions.  Here’s an example: some clients find visual diagrams or bulleted lists very helpful to understand or retain what we’re working on. When I know this, I’ll often pull out my pad of giant sticky notes, put a couple on my wall, and start writing or drawing.  For other clients, this doesn’t add anything to the experience, and can actually be a distraction. Essentially, the more I understand about what does and doesn’t work for you, the more I can shape our sessions to be of maximum benefit to you.

5) Practice, practice, practice! If you don’t take what you’ve learned from your sessions and put it into action out in the ‘real world’, things won’t change much. Here’s a way to do that:  think about one way in which you can put what you learned from your most recent session into action over the next week and make a note of it somehow – either a note in your wallet or purse, or maybe a regular popup reminder on your phone. Then, whatever that action is, do it! Give yourself permission to make mistakes, which are a key part of the learning process and absolutely normal when you’re learning to do something new.

What’s helped you to get more out of therapy?  What’s gotten in the way of therapy being helpful for you?