Are you ‘Too Nice’ ?
▪ Do you find yourself saying “yes” when you want to say “no” because of guilt or other uncomfortable feelings?
▪ Are there times when you don’t say what you are feeling because you want to avoid a fight?
▪ Do you put so much time and energy into the wants and needs of others that your own wants & needs get neglected?
▪ Are you more concerned with what others think of you than what you think of yourself?
▪ Do you become upset or distressed when someone disagrees with or is angry with you?
How counseling can help you:
- Learn how to say "no" without guilt or fear
- Develop the skills and strength to set boundaries in your life and relationships
- Learn how to ask for what you want with confidence.
- Recognize healthy and unhealthy relationship situations
- Become more honest and genuine
- Develop closer relationships
If you answered “yes” to any of the above questions, there’s a good chance that you are nicer to others than you are to yourself - and that may be keeping you from being happy. A recovering ‘nice guy’ myself, I know what it can be like. I spent many years focused on keeping all the people in my life happy. As a result, I became stressed and angry, I didn’t get what I wanted very often, and I even had some trouble with being honest. The end result wasn’t very ‘nice’ for anyone.
You may worry about being liked by others or feel that you aren’t good enough as you are - so you focus on making others happy as a way to make friends and be accepted. While it works well at times, there’s a long-term price to pay - usually, that results in feeling overwhelmed and taken advantage of. Or, perhaps you’ve had the experience of your anger and resentment boiling over, much to everyone’s surprise and distress. Maybe you’ve even walked away from a job or a relationship because you were extremely frustrated or angry, but too afraid to talk openly and honestly about your feelings, wants, and needs. Maybe there are times where you are dishonest - either through outright lies or more subtly by just omitting information - because you are afraid of what will happen.
If this sounds like you, let's talk about how I can help you learn how to ask for what you want, how to say “no” without guilt, how to risk rejection and conflict (and to use them productively when they happen), and how to say what you really feel while still being respectful of the wants and needs of the other people in your life. As you learn to stand up for yourself, you’ll find that you can still be nice without having to sacrifice yourself. You’ll not only be happier, but you’ll experience an increase in respect - both the respect you have for yourself and the respect you receive from others.
What's being 'too nice' costing you? You don't have to pay the price any longer - call or e-mail today, and we can set up an appointment at my Sacramento counseling office to get started.